Some Thoughts About The Future When You’re 23

First of all, I'm writing this just to improve my English. I have poor skill when it comes to write in english which is not my mother tongue. So pardon me when later you’ll find I messed up with grammar or inconsistency to stick with english. And you can go away if you don’t really interested with me, because mostly it’s just my rant about being 23 in some aspects of my life. Okay here we go.

1. Friendship

When I am young, I take friends for granted because I think they will always be there. Then all of sudden, when you hit 23, everybody’s gone, some have moved, some have married, everyone is busy and the crowd of potensial friends by which I’ve always been surrounded has evaporated. People not only become busier than they used to be, but they also become not open.

The flexibility of youth, the eager of new experience, the desire of meeting new people seemed draining away. We can’t just met someone and dive right away into a friendship. I am aware that the older you get, friends become harder to come by.

True friendship, sometimes we think means unconditional support and acceptance. The true friend validates your feeling, takes your side in every argument, feels sad for you when you’re sad, helps you to feel good, and never judge you. But in the meantime I grow up, I gain a new perspective in understanding friendship that I built with them. I learned that being happy means being a better person and becoming a better person means having my mistakes pointed out to me in a way that I can’t ignore. Yes, true friends want you to be happy. They don’t shield you from mistakes, they will tell you about them.

As I get older, I also realize that friends come and go for whatever reasons. It doesn't mean the friendship had any less value. I accept the temporary nature of friends for what it is. Time is no indicator. Perhaps some of my childhood friends were more a matter of circumstance, and the close buddies I've only known for 5 years are the ones I consciously chose. If a friendship lasts a lifetime, that's great. But if it doesn't, then be grateful for the good times shared and move on.

I believe almost my friends have the same experience. I also believe that we enjoyed every part of it. Of course people come and go in our life, but don’t worry because sometimes we make our family our friends, but also we make our friends our family.

2. Education

Actually, time and time I've seen how a degree not really add anything to a person's outlook and their personal qualities. I know that some of my friends went to college not because they have a burning desire to learn. Or is it because they love science, law, or economics? Nope. Sometimes it's like marriage. “I'm doing this without question because it's what everyone else does, and it is what is expected from me. Lagian, nanti apa kata saudara dan tetangga kalau ngga...”

However, it would be good if I had some direction. I know what I want to achieve in life. I know what I want to do. Right now, maybe I don’t know if I want to work in place that require a higher degree. But I know one thing, I want to pursue my master so I can ‘memuaskan gairah intelektual’. You know a famous words from Francis Bacon “Knowledge is power.” Yeah that’s where gairah intelektual comes from.

3. Marriage

Occasionally, I ever decided that I never wanted to get married. But it was more out of the awesome thought of being a lone wolf; that girl who rides off into the sunset with no attachments. In my late teens, I had some relationships, and I enjoyed it while it lasted. But nowadays I don’t really feel the need of relationship in a romantic way. And if I will start a relationship, it would be a serious one.

As far as I can see, some people have an emotional void to fill. Some people are terrified of solitude. Some people feel incomplete without another person. Some people's self-worth and happiness and miseries are all in the matter of relationships and marriage. And there are also people who couldn't care less. Now I can include myself into the last one.

Honestly speaking, some of my circle friend keep speaking about being marriage. The talk usually involved “Susah ya menemukan orang yang tepat.”  From that, I can see that they assumed they made a lot of effort to meet the right person. I supposed that they will naively think ‘happily ever after’ happen after the wedding. It ever come across my mind after the wedding, you will wake up to a man/woman you chose, only to realize that you will wake up to the same man/woman for the next 50 years and you start seeing whatever it is in her/him that you didn’t see before.

I noticed that people who rush relationship (as opposed to letting it grow naturally), show off acts of kindness, and make it a point to show how much they care tend to be neurotic, needy, and socially inept. Not only are these types potential emotional time bombs, often times they are just plain not nice people in the long run. So, the problem with most of relationship is sometimes we don’t really preparing our heart to face all of the craps of being marriage instead we’re feverishly find the right one.

Let the thought of marriage alone, it can change in the future. Because my mother ever said that marriage isn't an achievement, it isn't an obligation, it's simply a choice, and it will comes to you when you’re ready. Maybe I should ask her if she regret it or not later.

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Frankly, I hate thinking of myself as growing older, it's probably more appropriate for me to see myself as leveling up. And if you ask me what the best thing about getting older, it’s finally have the guts to ignore bullshit and not feel bad about it.