If I Were A Boy

If I were a boy, I would be bad at it because I don’t really like outdoor activities or sports.

If I were a boy, I would have a plenty of best friend because I usually hang out without any obligation to talk or entertain each other.

If I were a boy, I would just play some online games on the weekend and think how to get a girlfriend, I definitely would google it.

If I were a boy, I would quickly cover my eyes with a pillow and pretend that I am okay when my favourite character in anime died or had sad scars about childhood.

If I were a boy, I would feel unfair because of ladies parking. Kartini didn’t die for this.

If I were a boy, I would never get lost again even without a map, I could use all the shortcut in the city.

If I were a boy, I would check other guy’s ‘thing’ in public toilets and try hard to control my eyes and stare straight as if nothing happened.

If I were a boy, I would suck, because I couldn't bring myself to say some pickup line to girls. I would just smile pathetically. 

If I were a boy, I would feel disappointed when a girl that I like turned out have a boyfriend, but I would feel more disappointed when one of a football club that I fond of lost in a big match.

If I were a boy, I would silently cry at night thinking about how stupid my little crush who friend-zoned me.

If I were a boy, I would always complain that I never understand girls yet I would still read some articles on the Internet on how to get a girl fall in love with me.

If I were a boy, I would eat a lot of food that contains protein after masturbate.

If I were a boy, I would be broke because I waste all of my money to buy PSP, Xbox, and any others console game.

If I were a boy, I would save some times because I can just get going without taking a bath, but I still would be late.

If I were a boy, I would date a girl with a cute face just like a girl character in the harem manga. Not only cute, she should be smart and love me like crazy.

If I were a boy, I would make a girl cry because I spent more time playing games than talking to her.

If I were a boy, I would get a bad headache trying to figure out what’s mistake I did to my girlfriend when she said: “You can think it yourself (pikir aja ndiri).”

If I were a boy, I would die a little bit every time my girlfriend ask me “Am I beautiful?”

If I were a boy, I would stress out when my girlfriend says “Do you notice some change in me?” I would guess it wrong and she would angry at me the entire date, damn it, woman.

If I were a boy, I would go crazy over the unspoken code that girls have, because, in the end, I smell drama.

If I were a boy, I would think that girls are dangerous (metaphorically and literally), but I would still love them.

If I were a boy, you know what? I would still be broke as fuck even after purchase all of that gaming stuff because I would spend my money to go out with my girlfriend and feed her and buy her a little surprise every month.

If I were a boy, I would start developed anxiety attack when met a girl that cries at the first time. But later I would just enjoy feigning that I care a lot by saying “It’s okay, I am here for you” and feel happy to give a hug.

If I were a boy, I would get some serious silly relationship problems because of my pride.

If I were a boy, I would be a jerk, make a girl can’t move on from me and let her curse me.

If I were a boy, I would be a jerk, move on from her while missing her once or twice.

If I were a boy, I would say to my best friend “If a girl says she’s in love with you, back off and run for your life!”

If I were a boy, I would say “Holy shit! Who needs woman”, go back in front of my laptop and play a video game.

If I were a boy, I would probably hate my jobs and pray to God ask for make me coma, or even worse maybe death, but then I would feel alright when sitting in a bar and meet a sexy girl.

If I were a boy, I would act like I can handle all of my problems, maybe I would tell it to my friends, but in things like love or family matters, I would prefer to keep it under wraps.

If I were a boy, I would think maybe one day I would grow up as a reliable man and make every single line in The Proclaimer’s song titled I Am Gonna Be becomes my jargon.